Rock and Roll

“The thing that experience has taught me above all else is the primacy of fun and frolics and devilment and mischief and joy as a defiant act of our mortality.  That brings us back to rock and roll.  That’s where U2 came from.”  Bono

When I heard Bono speak this in an interview, I said Yessss!!!!!   This is why I love music and live concerts. I am so grateful for music and musicians.

Music is where I feel free. Music is where my body and mind become one with the energy of music.  Music is where I feel bliss and have fun.  Music is where I connect with others. Music is where I feel my most authentic self.  Music is where I frolic and jump head first into devilment and mischief and joy.  Music allows me to be present and forget the world for 2 hours.  Music celebrates life, living out loud, and freedom.

So……… I just got tickets for Melissa Etheridge and I am going to get U2 tickets in two weeks!

Rock and Roll speaks to our darkness, our fight for authenticity, and our right to let it all out!!!!!!

Totally Loving Now!

Where do you feel free and authentic?  Where do you feel a place to let it out? Where do you feel a place where you can dip your toe into the frolic, fun, and joy?

My Heaven on Earth

This!!!!!!DSC_0850.jpgDSC_0847.jpgDSC_0843.jpg

This was one of the best nights of my life. As you can see I was allowed time to talk with the guys and give them presents and get 3 pictures!  John was so sweet and funny. And damn look at those biceps! 😉  Presales and VIP all the way!!  Also, Warner Brothers Record Company rocks!!!

Totally Loving Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the Best Nights of My Life

Hi friends!  So you might remember a post way back in February about how I purchased Goo Goo Dolls tickets, which included a meet and greet and VIP treatment.  Last night was the show.  It was at Mohegan Sun in CT.  A group of 5 of us drove out and had the best time!  Myself and one other friend had the VIP tickets.  I was soooo nervous.  I wrote on my hand each thing I wanted to happen at the meet and greet.  Many meet and greets are quick and you literally say hi, face the camera, and walk away, not my boys.  They are so gracious to their fans, and I know this so I had my plan.

On my hand it said:   Fan (tell him I’m a fan since the 90s and never miss a tour)/ Hugs/ Talk/Pictures and one just with John/kiss/presents.  I am happy to say all of it happened and more.  As I waited on line for my turn I watched him hugging as the girls approached.  Here we go:  I walk up to him; he opens his arms and I tell him I’m Traci; he hugs me and says in my ear: “What’s your name? Traci?”  I say yes.  I tell him I’m a huge fan since the 90’s and I point to my concert buddy and tell him we see them every summer. Then we are face to face and I told him how much I loved his music and one album in particular meant a lot to me. I said it was Something, and I couldn’t get the rest out, and he said, “Something for the rest of us.”  I said I know that was a difficult album for you, and he said it was the worst time of his life. I told him it was my divorce album. I told him I listened to it every night and sobbed for hours; I told him Soldier really hit home, because my world had slipped away.  I said I needed to do that and he said that’s why I wrote it; I needed to do that too.  Then he said but we are here and we’re all good and we did a high 10.  Then I took my picture with both boys and then I turned to Johnny and said can I have one with you and we hugged cheek to cheek for the picture.  Best part……I pointed at my cheek and said, “Can I have a kiss on the cheek?”  He kissed me!

Johnny recently became a dad to an adorable daughter Lili, so I had a shirt made for him that says, “Because I’m the dad and I said so, that’s why.”  He loved it and he put in front of his chest and he said, “Yeah I’m the dad!”  Then we took another picture with the shirt as I leaned on his shoulder.  I gave Robby some cool socks and he gave me the biggest hug. I said thank you and then I went to my seat in the 6th row!!!!  The concert was amazing and there’s nothing like sitting that close.  I jumped up and down for 2 hours and screamed my head off.  My package also included a huge lithograph poster signed by both boys; it is now hanging on my wall. I am still basking in the high of it all; it was surreal.

My friends and I had so much fun too; we had drinks and krispy kreme donughts, oh and dinner…lol.  We stayed at a no frills, yet quite nice hotel a mile away. It came with free breakfast too!  I woke up without a voice and I keep replaying the meet and greet over in my mind, and oh by the way, his eyes are soooo blue!

Life is made of moments and experiences.  Are you putting joyful experiences in your life?  This experience was priceless; better than diamonds (I’ve never really been a big jewelry person), designer clothes, or anything you could buy and bring home and put it in a drawer, or hang up in a closet.

I’m so grateful for last night; I’m so grateful for my friends; I’m so grateful for Johnny and Robby and their time and attention, and the kick ass show they put on!!!  I bounced black balloons and giant white light up beach balls, and the confetti was all around me.

Grateful, oh so grateful.

I’m a Liability

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“They say you’re a little much for me, You’re a liability

So they pull back, make other plans, I understand

I’m a liability. Lorde:  Liability

This is one of Lorde’s new songs from her upcoming album called Melodrama. It is a sad ballad about her first heartbreak. When I listen to this song I feel like it’s about me. I connect with it on every level. Having a mental illness is hard to accept, but what’s hardest is for someone else to accept it. I just started dating and I think this guy has no idea what I’m all about. Is he going to run for the hills when I tell him, if I tell him?

I feel like it’s a deep dark secret that I need to keep until I meet someone I can trust. I fear that they will see me as a liability, and pull back and make other plans. At first they say, “It’s okay I love you,” but they don’t know the truth of what this disorder looks like; they don’t know I could be dancing in the light of the kitchen, or I could be crying and unable to function. When I listen to this song I cry because I know that is what I feel and I know that others will feel that way about me.

I walk around life with a smile on my face, but underneath that smile is my secret. It’s a voice inside my head that says, “You are damaged goods; who will want to live in your storm, dating hasn’t worked out in the past, what makes you think it will now?  All the same stuff will eventually happen. You will meet a nice guy and then you will unravel and cross the fine line between excitement and mania. You will feel suffocated. You will feel like you can’t breathe. You will say goodbye and exhale; however in that freedom there is a truth that you are better on your own in order to stay healthy.”  But here I go again, giving it another try because I get lonely, yet I’m scared I’ll unravel like pulling a string in a knitted scarf.

I’m going to try it; I owe it to myself to try again. I’m doing things differently this time. Maybe that will make a difference. I hope so.

Wish me luck!

 

 

Enjoy the Rain

Dalton Rapattoni_3_04-09-16“And it’s okay to be sad, it’s alright to be hurt

And it’s okay to cry when your face is in the dirt

but don’t look back on those things with pain

Enjoy the rain

Enjoy the rain”

The Rain by Dalton Rapattoni

I love this song because it’s about taking our painful experiences and seeing them in a different light. Rain makes flowers bloom, grass grow, and gives the earth one of our greatest needs…water.

The rain in our lives, though it may be difficult at the time, helps us grow. If you are stuck in the rain, know that it’s watering your soul, and know that you are growing. Time will reveal the new growth, just like the blossoms.

The rain is just as important as the sun. Both are vital; both are needed.  So see if you can somehow “enjoy the rain.”

Enjoy the rain,

Traci      PS  How cute is he????  lol