“I can’t breathe, I can’t be/I can’t be what you want me to be/Believe me this one time/Believe me/I’m a bad liar, bad liar/Now you know, now you know/I’m a bad liar, bad liar/Now you know, you’re free to go.” Imagine Dragons (Dan Reynolds)
There is a central theme between men and women that has existed since the beginning of time. As I spent hours listening to various artists from hip hop, to hard rock, pop, alternative, men and women, I see and hear this thread over and over. It would be easy or maybe lazy of me to just say women are sad and men are bad, but there is so much more to that fact. Women are caught up in a fantasy in their mind about men and men are wanting to live 2 lives, and to be honest women too. Men are singing about how they lied and they are sorry and women are usually crying and wanting to care for the wounded bird, who says he will change, and make him fly. Men often say, “I can’t be what you need me to be.” This is because women put men on a pedestal; I don’t know why. I just watched Halsey sing her guts out about her man cheating, getting back together and him cheating again, and she says, “I put you high up there and I don’t know why.” I don’t know why either. I did it too. My ex husband used to say I can’t be that man, and I learned later in life it is not loving to ask someone to do something they just cant; they are not who you want them to be. Women take a man and say ok I can work with this; I’ll mold him to my ways, and the men are like LOOK at me; I am not going to change and if you are staying then be prepared for the shit storm I’m going to put you through. Women don’t see it and then just ignore it until death do them part or divorce. Dan Reynolds said he and his wife didn’t sign the divorce papers and they are trying to work things out. Sorry, aint gonna happen; he is a BAD LIAR!!!! He told you he is a liar; he told you he can’t be what you want. Dan said they are getting along; it is a pink cloud; it won’t last.
Now here comes the difficult part. Even though we rationally know this is a common theme between men and women, we can’t escape it; we don’t know what else to do, because at the same time we as humans are longing for connection. There’s an underlying fundamental mismatch of this stuff for everyone, in music, in books, in art, and in movies. In “Daylight” by Blue October Justin sings, “backstage there’s a room so dark/I’m not even going in there/I’m afraid it would tear us apart.” But he wants to go; some part of all of us want to go and pull back the curtain.
It feels like it’s so complex; we want it and we don’t want it, and Yeah I love my wife, ooh she’s hot what’s her name? Yeah, I got a boy, but you are so fucking hot. And round and round we go. To be honest it’s all pretty fucked up. And if none of this speaks to you and your life, well that’s great; please tell us how.
Maybe we have to take it one day at a time; maybe we have to keep it light; maybe we have to go slow. Maybe we just have to find someone who is as close as they can be to what we are looking for, someone to spend time with, or maybe some of us might just want to not commit to someone at all, but that get’s old quick. Maybe we have to let go of expectations of what we think should happen or what this stuff looks like, feels like, tastes like……………..
In one of my meet up groups there is a guy I met twice and hung out with in the group. There was some flirty banter back and forth. He messages me on the app that he would like to see me outside of the group. After thinking how I wanted to respond, I told him I like hanging out with him too but right now I just want to continue getting to know him in the group. He responds with I can work with that. Huh? Two days later he asks me to go to dinner before a meetup! Hellooo???? Then he proceeds to tell me, twice, that it is ok if I don’t want to go with him and no is okay. Really? Um thanks I’m good knowing what I can say. It’s just an example of this push pull crap; yes I flirted with him at one of the meetups; it was fun and light. I just responded nicely and said see you next meet up. I’m being totally honest here. So I will lighten up on the flirting. Last year I went on a date and I told the guy date 2 I want to go slow and I don’t want a relationship now. The next day he calls me to ask me out for that night!!! What?? I’m hella confused.
Bottom line: this shit ain’t gonna stop, maybe some people, because what the hell do I know, but many will still be riding this hamster wheel round and round and round.
Open the window………