Out Damn Spot, Out I Say

Like Lady Macbeth, I too want to rub out the damn spot.  Have you ever had an experience that you were part of and when you wake up you wish it never happened?

2 weeks ago I went to see U2 and I was so excited; I have seen them every tour since 1985. I was psyched for the show from the moment I bought the tickets. And the day had arrived.  My friend and I drove out to the venue and tailgated with the crowds in the parking lot.  Everyone was blasting U2, old and new, and the sun was shining upon us as we ate, drank, and sang. At one point I was literally spinning around in the parking lot with a drink in my hand, eyes closed as the sun shone upon my face, and U2 played from our blue tooth. I felt so free and in the moment; it was pure bliss.

This was the Experience and Innocence Tour; I saw the Innocence and Experience tour 2 summers ago. These albums are loosely based on the poetry of one of my favorite poets, William Blake. William Blake was a rebel during his time; he was an individual amongst the other poets of his time. His lack of conformity is what attracted me to his poems. I have always lived on the edge of non conformity, and I like it there. That is the place where the magic happens.

Bono sang about his past, America today, as images of Marin Luther King Jr. and the KKK showed up on the 100 foot LED screen. I jumped up and down as soon as I heard the familiar guitar sound of I Will Follow. Sounds great right?

The sun went down and it was all over.

Upon waking up I felt that bitter taste in my mouth and in my mind. The thoughts swirl round and round, just like my clothes in the machine trying to get out that damn spot. As the days and weeks progressed, I wanted to erase that night; I wanted a do over.  I wanted to rub out the damn spot! I even thought about going to another U2 show so I could take it back and make it ok and the way it should have gone. Then I realized that would be expensive, and more importantly I cannot wash out that spot.  I have to accept the spot and look in the mirror and show up fully. Ugh. I have to admit I didn’t get to see U2 the way I usually do.

I accept it, but I don’t like it, and all I can do is learn and walk on……………

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