Long Way Home

screenshot_2017-03-15-10-16-47.pngHere we go again!!!  Goo Goo Dolls are touring this summer with Philip Phillips. I usually go to Jones Beach with my friends, but this year we are going to Mohegan Sun. I am so excited; I’m always excited, but this time is really going to rock. I joined the fan club which gave me access to pre sales. The first day the tickets went on sale for fan club members I was able to get my tickets in 5 minutes. Some people had trouble with their code and getting locked out of ticketmaster. When I put my code in I crossed my fingers, and then it said, You now have access to the pre sale. I breathed a sigh of relief.

This show is also really special because for the first time I bought VIP tickets!! VIP tickets gives us a bunch of stuff, like a water bottle, a signed lithograph, a VIP laminate, and wait for it……….. seats in the 6th row, and……….a meet and greet!!  Woo hoo!!  I am so excited to meet Johnny again. Hopefully he won’t remember me from 2011 when I was creeping on him backstage…lol.  I keep having imaginary conversations with him in my head so I don’t ramble, again.  I’m planning my outfit, hair, presents, hug, pic pose, and what I am going to say. Oh, and I am going to ask for a kiss on the cheek. My friend got one last year; she asked him. I figure if he says no that’s fine, but I can’t let this possible opportunity go by without trying.

The tour is called Long Way Home, which is the last song on Boxes, and they usually close the show with that as an encore. My show is August 9th; it seems so far away. I remember I bought tickets this time last February for last year’s summer tour. I surprised my friend with the VIP tickets; she had no idea I was buying them. I texted her after I got the tickets, and I sent another text, Oh btw I got VIP tickets. She was pleasantly surprised. She kept saying, “We are going to meet them?”  I said yes!!!

I don’t buy clothes or go on trips. I do my own nails and color my own hair. I stopped  going to Starbucks.  Experiences, not things are what make people happy. Concerts and meeting authors and learning new things, and books fill me with joy. Yes I spent a lot of money, and I probably won’t do it again, but it’s worth it. I’ll eat soup and sandwiches for dinner for weeks!

Oh I forgot to tell you, the band is coming out with a new EP on May 12th called You Should Be Happy. The first single is going to drop, as the kids say, March 21st.

Is it August yet???

I’m a Liability

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“They say you’re a little much for me, You’re a liability

So they pull back, make other plans, I understand

I’m a liability. Lorde:  Liability

This is one of Lorde’s new songs from her upcoming album called Melodrama. It is a sad ballad about her first heartbreak. When I listen to this song I feel like it’s about me. I connect with it on every level. Having a mental illness is hard to accept, but what’s hardest is for someone else to accept it. I just started dating and I think this guy has no idea what I’m all about. Is he going to run for the hills when I tell him, if I tell him?

I feel like it’s a deep dark secret that I need to keep until I meet someone I can trust. I fear that they will see me as a liability, and pull back and make other plans. At first they say, “It’s okay I love you,” but they don’t know the truth of what this disorder looks like; they don’t know I could be dancing in the light of the kitchen, or I could be crying and unable to function. When I listen to this song I cry because I know that is what I feel and I know that others will feel that way about me.

I walk around life with a smile on my face, but underneath that smile is my secret. It’s a voice inside my head that says, “You are damaged goods; who will want to live in your storm, dating hasn’t worked out in the past, what makes you think it will now?  All the same stuff will eventually happen. You will meet a nice guy and then you will unravel and cross the fine line between excitement and mania. You will feel suffocated. You will feel like you can’t breathe. You will say goodbye and exhale; however in that freedom there is a truth that you are better on your own in order to stay healthy.”  But here I go again, giving it another try because I get lonely, yet I’m scared I’ll unravel like pulling a string in a knitted scarf.

I’m going to try it; I owe it to myself to try again. I’m doing things differently this time. Maybe that will make a difference. I hope so.

Wish me luck!