Boxes

Screenshot_2016-09-18-10-06-32.pngThis summer the Goo Goo Dolls played their best tour ever!!!  So many sold out shows, and it felt like a 3 hour party! Tribe Society and Collective Soul opened up and they rocked the house. Tribe Society is a band out of NYC; they are alternative and they have a flute player. I banged my head to a flute!! I cannot explain how amazing it feels for me to be at a concert. I am so filled with joy and it stays at an elevated level for hours; I stood and danced and sang all night. There was a moment during the night when John pointed me out in the crowd and said, “Look at you up there!” I blew him a kiss!  John is sober 2 years now and about to be a dad; I have never seen him this happy and it shows in his performance.

Boxes have been, and continue to be, a part of my life right now. When the CD came out, I was just starting to realize that I had to move due to financial reasons. The idea of me moving into my old marital home did not work out, so I am currently living with my parents. As you can imagine, this is a difficult transition for everyone but especially for me due to my bipolar. I have ups and downs often; sometimes I can go up and down within a day. So I packed over 30 boxes and brought them to my parents. Now I am unpacking my boxes and trying to figure things out. It’s so unsettling to think of something I want and I have no idea what box it is in, even though I labeled my boxes.

I am doing my best to set boundaries and my parents are making an effort too. On top of all this, my dad’s lung cancer returned 4 years later. He was diagnosed the day before I moved in. Now he is going to speak to the doctor this week and decide on his course of treatment. It devastates me to think my dad could die in a few years. Due to my dad’s illness the addition to the house has been put on hold, and may never happen.  And to add more shit to the pile, my 16 year old daughter is here on and off and she is struggling. She seems very angry at me, which I get, but she has been so defensive and she has an attitude all the time. I told her to give me a break; I told her I’m doing the best I can.

Through all this turmoil I am trying to put some good deposits into my days. I have been going to my women’s group, meditating, reading, and meeting friends when possible. And of course, going to concerts. I saw Halsey this summer at Madison Square Garden; she was amazing!  Last week the Goo Goo Dolls announced they will be touring in the spring and summer again; happy day!!!

Boxes, small and big, are piled high filled with my “stuff.”

I need to find some ground; I am exploring different ways of life and seeing how they feel. I feel like I am unstable physically and emotionally. My friends are being supportive, but they have busy lives too. Each day I set an intention; today my intention is to have fun. I’m going to see my friend today:)

Looking for the positives in a tough place,

Traci

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