Not Right Now

Rules-for-Free-Spirits-TG.jpgAfter a tense interaction on the phone with my ex husband, I went for a chakra balancing session with this magical, giving woman named Jody. I always feel better instantly after a session with her. She not only does the energy healing, she also talks to you afterwards about your life and she gives you little tips. I came home and this poem/song literally fell out of me:

You can’t make me down, not right now

You can’t make me cry, not right now

Because I’m feeling fine and you’re not on my mind, not right now

Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week…I might feel sad and I might think, but not right now

I’m in a place that you don’t belong; I’m in a place where I am strong

So you can’t make me down, not right now and you can’t make me cry, not right now

Because I’m feeling fine and you’re not on my mind, not right now

Feel like singing, feel like dancing, feel like holding a boy close; I feel his breath on my neck, as I close my eyes, and his hands on my waist as we move in time

Yes right now

You can make me smile, yes right now

You can make me move my body, for just a little while, yes right now

You are the only one for just right now.

I Would Burn for You

Dalton’s original song about his ex girlfriend. It is very emotional and raw. Dalton is a talented songwriter and performer. I was blessed to see him live and experience him in all his glory. When the music starts, Dalton becomes the music. He closes his eyes and opens his soul. His entire body becomes the song he is singing; it is very moving. He interacts with his fans and audience literally and figuratively. He comes into the crowd, and when he performs you feel the excitement or the sadness or the joy inside yourself. His solo album is coming out in October and then he will tour. Dalton had been negotiating with record companies, but in the end he and a friend from Blue October decided to create their own label. I am so happy for Dalton, because now the record company can’t put Dalton in a box, and there is no way Dalton would allow that; he is all about being an individual and self expression on his terms. I love that about Dalton, because I am that way too; it’s the only way to truly live!

Dreams Come True

20160725_213633Yay I met Dalton Rapattoni!!!!  The concert was amazing! I was literally banging my head, ode to the 80s! 🎸✌ Dalton was so sweet.  Here’s how it went: Hi Dalton I’m Traci. Hi Traci I’m Dalton. Nice to meet you. Signs my shirt and then I give him gifts. He loves to take baths; it’s his thing. Dalton I have some presents for you. This one is first…tub markers! Dalton: oh cool, I love to take baths…shows his friend! Card with beautiful painting of flowers (his favorite )…Oh wow this is beautiful. Turns card over and sees dog tag picture  with Simple Man on it (he wears that around his neck ). Oh wow that’s so cool…thank you. Ok last present… what’s this? William Blake’s poetry…oh cool. Thank you. I bought him William Blake’s essential poetry book bc he lived as an individual and he was about non conforming. I have lived this way since middle school, and Dalton lives this way.

Can I have a hug? Sure…didn’t want to let go😂 Time for picture : I am holding him tight❤ Bye..thank you so much. Love our matching converse😊 Thanks to the Highline Ballroom in NYC and  School of Rock. Monday July 25th…best night ever!

Thank You

Full Circle Moment:  I got married in 1998. At the time, I was a huge Natalie Merchant fan; I even saw her when she was in the band 10,000 maniacs. After the rehearsal dinner I gave my parents a copy of her cd Ophelia. I told them to listen to track 11, Kind and Generous. It was basically a thank you for everything they have ever done for me, whether financially or emotionally. My mother cried.

Now, I am divorced and struggling financially. My parents have graciously decided to build onto their home so my daughter and myself will have a nice place to live, since I can’t stay where I am much longer 😦  I am so grateful for their generosity, but I am also sad because I love my home. I will be moving to a new town about 30 minutes away. Their house is literally in the woods. Currently, I live in a luxury apartment complex, which I can no longer afford; I drained most of my retirement money to stay here until the addition is completed, but it looks like the builder is going to take forever; therefore I may have to move into their house until my apartment is ready. The idea of that stresses me out. My mom and dad, mostly my mom, are triggers for me and I can only take them in small doses. But I won’t have any choice if that happens. Hopefully it wont.

Tuesday night in yoga class, which cost 5 dollars, this song came on the teacher’s playlist as I lay on my mat in savasna. As soon as I heard it, I smiled and sang along to myself. Then I thought, here I am again. I am in a place where I am grateful for my parents and all they are willing to do for me. Sometimes when I visit, my dad will slip me a 50 and my mom mails me cash in the mail in cards. They are very good with their money and my dad has investments which help them live a life they love. But most of all they are willing to do whatever they can to help me. Originally, I was going to move into my marital home and my ex was going to move out. That plan began to get toxic months before it was going to happen. We were fighting and there was just no way I could have him intertwined in my life again.

So here are my parents, once again, being kind and generous. I think I may send them the video and thank them again for then and now and the future. I am blessed and lucky to have them in my life, and even more fortunate that they are going to help me live in a nice safe place. I will have my own entrance and a little deck. It is very peaceful there, and I know in time I will adjust, but it’s so stressful to think about all the aspects of moving and adjusting to a new environment. In addition, I still have to tell my daughter; I am so nervous and afraid that she will be upset; she is 16. She will still live in both towns, because her father’s house and her school are not changing. It’s just the time with me will be in the new place. There will be new friends, like deer and foxes and turkeys that come up to the windows; my cat is going to freak! lol

They have been kind and generous all of my life; and that has taught me to be kind and generous too. Another gift.

I guess Natalie is reminding me of how lucky I am and to appreciate all of it.

Be kind and generous,

Traci xo