Why is it so hard for people to be honest?  Over time, our country and our leaders and the government have become unclear or downright lied.  I am now seeing this lack of transparency everywhere today.  We have all of these Hollywood people being called out on their deplorable and illegal behavior. I knew about the saying “casting couch,” but I never would have thought women and men were being raped or sexually violated at such alarming rates. And then these women and men would have to work with these Hollywood big wigs and smile and take pictures with them.  I can’t imagine the fear they lived with and how worthless these men made their victims feel. I do think it is great that men and women are coming forward with story after story and naming names publicly. In addition, I am happy to see the responses by their employers, such as immediately being removed from jobs and agencies.  Louis C.K was the only one who said Yes I did it, and he went into detail about what he did. Everyone else, just like our government, said I didn’t do that, or I don’t remember, or I was drunk.  I am fed up with people not being honest and this is happening everywhere.

This week there was a presale for U2 tickets for their upcoming spring tour. On November 1st all the information was released about how they were going to be using Ticketmaster’s verified fan system for this tour.  The U2 site told the fans exactly what to do to make sure they got a code for the sale.  One thing was to renew our fan club memberships or sign up for one.  I haven’t missed a U2 tour since 1985.  I decided to go with the presale, so I signed up for the 50 dollar membership. I set up my account as they told us to do and waited. First they said we would get an email the night before the sale and then a code texted to our phone the day of the sale. While I was fortunate to get tickets, many fans did not.  Some never received emails or codes; some had codes that didn’t work, and some got codes too late. But here is the part that we are truly upset about:  when fans contacted Ticketmaster during the presale to tell them they didn’t get a code, they said it was a lottery.  Fans were shocked. The U2 site and the Ticketmaster site did not state that it was a lottery.  We were led to believe we would get a code because we did everything they said to do.  When Ticketmaster finally started responding to tweets about the problem, they said I’m sorry you were not selected to receive a code.  Then they said it was all done by an algorithm!  It’s one thing to have technical problems, but it’s a whole other thing to delude us about how the system was truly going to work.  So here is another example of a lack of transparency and I’m sure it’s all about money.  U2 and their people are aware of the situation, but we haven’t heard from them yet.  They need to say this was a mistake and we are sorry, and then figure out a way to fix it. Ticketmaster and Live Nation also need to be accountable.  I’m frustrated with people who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.  I get it that stuff will happen, but stand up and be accountable for the results.  I feel empathy for the fans that didn’t get tickets and I feel lucky that I did get tickets.

I am noticing this lack of clarity everywhere and it frightens me. What are we to do when our leaders are evasive?  They need to be an example for us and they are seriously failing.  Somehow over time, people are lying more or hiding or passing the buck, which happened during the presale. U2 said it’s not our issue; it’s Ticketmaster.  Guess what Ticketmaster said?  People are not being honest with themselves, marriages and families are crumbling because of dishonesty and ignoring reality, companies are knowingly using defective materials in consumer goods. For example, there was a huge air bag recall and the company from Japan knowingly sold them to car dealers. There was a lawsuit and they lost.  I do tend to be naive and I like to think the best of people,  but when I read stuff like that I am flabbergasted.  I know this is totally off topic, but how in holy hell did that DJ think it was okay to put his hand under Taylor Swift’s dress and grab her ass and hold it as a picture was taken??  I saw the picture and you can see his hand is on her ass.  What did he say?  I was touching her back, bullshit!  And the courts knew it was bullshit so she was vindicated. He lost his job and tried to counter sue and the judge dismissed the case.  The complete audacity of him to do that astounds me. People in power can be dangerous and the more money and power they have the more they feel entitled to whatever they want, regardless of other people’s rights.

Let’s start with ourselves.  Let’s be transparent about our feelings,actions, and responses. Let’s say we made a mistake and apologize.  Let’s be the example for others.

Thank you for reading this long post.  The whole U2 thing sparked this message in me.

Here’s to being real!


Rock and Roll

“The thing that experience has taught me above all else is the primacy of fun and frolics and devilment and mischief and joy as a defiant act of our mortality.  That brings us back to rock and roll.  That’s where U2 came from.”  Bono

When I heard Bono speak this in an interview, I said Yessss!!!!!   This is why I love music and live concerts. I am so grateful for music and musicians.

Music is where I feel free. Music is where my body and mind become one with the energy of music.  Music is where I feel bliss and have fun.  Music is where I connect with others. Music is where I feel my most authentic self.  Music is where I frolic and jump head first into devilment and mischief and joy.  Music allows me to be present and forget the world for 2 hours.  Music celebrates life, living out loud, and freedom.

So……… I just got tickets for Melissa Etheridge and I am going to get U2 tickets in two weeks!

Rock and Roll speaks to our darkness, our fight for authenticity, and our right to let it all out!!!!!!

Totally Loving Now!

Where do you feel free and authentic?  Where do you feel a place to let it out? Where do you feel a place where you can dip your toe into the frolic, fun, and joy?

Unwelcome Guests

Depression Bipolar, they show up now. One keeps me active the other keeps me captive.

Depression Bipolar, walk in my life and wake up my soul in the dark of night.

Depression Bipolar, are unwelcome guests who wreak havoc and think they are blessed.

Depression Bipolar, sneak around me. They think I don’t see them, feel them, coming in

Depression Bipolar, suck the life out of my being

Depression Bipolar, really need to be leaving.

By Traci Halpin

The time change upsets my bipolar and messes with me and my moods. It sucks, especially when I’m in a decent spot…. fuck!

Time to take out the light box………….

Comfort Zone No More

You know how some people win the lottery and they are elated, yet at the same time they feel anxious and unsure of their future?  This is how I feel; no I didn’t win the lottery, but I did get something I’ve been waiting for for 3 years. We celebrated with champagne and dinner and I couldn’t stop smiling. But underneath that smile there is fear, anxiety, and an overall restlessness.  Years ago I used to say I don’t play the lotto because I don’t want to win the lotto; I didn’t want things to change even if some of my life sucked.

First, it was and still can be hard to wrap my head around this good news. Then immediately I felt restless and unsettled and disoriented. I don’t know what I’m going to do with this new gift. It’s going to change my life in good ways, like getting my own place and moving back near my friends, but it also feels confusing.  I don’t know how to manage the abundance of it all.  I know the unknown is causing me to feel anxious and scared of my future.   In addition, I’m scared of the possibilities of the negative changes that may occur. I’ll be turning 50 next year and it feels like a whole new chapter is starting for me, but I don’t know what that looks like.

I guess I have to just cultivate the things I know I want in my life and try to figure out the rest as I move along. The uncertainty of my future and what my life will look like is right there all the time, just following me around as I move through my life. Ugh!

It’s also exciting to be able to begin again.

Stepping out of our comfort zone is something we hear and read on cute little Instagram posts, but when the reality of it comes out of left field it is some scary shit!

Here’s to new beginnings…….

Time to work on my vision board!

My Heaven on Earth


This was one of the best nights of my life. As you can see I was allowed time to talk with the guys and give them presents and get 3 pictures!  John was so sweet and funny. And damn look at those biceps! 😉  Presales and VIP all the way!!  Also, Warner Brothers Record Company rocks!!!

Totally Loving Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the Best Nights of My Life

Hi friends!  So you might remember a post way back in February about how I purchased Goo Goo Dolls tickets, which included a meet and greet and VIP treatment.  Last night was the show.  It was at Mohegan Sun in CT.  A group of 5 of us drove out and had the best time!  Myself and one other friend had the VIP tickets.  I was soooo nervous.  I wrote on my hand each thing I wanted to happen at the meet and greet.  Many meet and greets are quick and you literally say hi, face the camera, and walk away, not my boys.  They are so gracious to their fans, and I know this so I had my plan.

On my hand it said:   Fan (tell him I’m a fan since the 90s and never miss a tour)/ Hugs/ Talk/Pictures and one just with John/kiss/presents.  I am happy to say all of it happened and more.  As I waited on line for my turn I watched him hugging as the girls approached.  Here we go:  I walk up to him; he opens his arms and I tell him I’m Traci; he hugs me and says in my ear: “What’s your name? Traci?”  I say yes.  I tell him I’m a huge fan since the 90’s and I point to my concert buddy and tell him we see them every summer. Then we are face to face and I told him how much I loved his music and one album in particular meant a lot to me. I said it was Something, and I couldn’t get the rest out, and he said, “Something for the rest of us.”  I said I know that was a difficult album for you, and he said it was the worst time of his life. I told him it was my divorce album. I told him I listened to it every night and sobbed for hours; I told him Soldier really hit home, because my world had slipped away.  I said I needed to do that and he said that’s why I wrote it; I needed to do that too.  Then he said but we are here and we’re all good and we did a high 10.  Then I took my picture with both boys and then I turned to Johnny and said can I have one with you and we hugged cheek to cheek for the picture.  Best part……I pointed at my cheek and said, “Can I have a kiss on the cheek?”  He kissed me!

Johnny recently became a dad to an adorable daughter Lili, so I had a shirt made for him that says, “Because I’m the dad and I said so, that’s why.”  He loved it and he put in front of his chest and he said, “Yeah I’m the dad!”  Then we took another picture with the shirt as I leaned on his shoulder.  I gave Robby some cool socks and he gave me the biggest hug. I said thank you and then I went to my seat in the 6th row!!!!  The concert was amazing and there’s nothing like sitting that close.  I jumped up and down for 2 hours and screamed my head off.  My package also included a huge lithograph poster signed by both boys; it is now hanging on my wall. I am still basking in the high of it all; it was surreal.

My friends and I had so much fun too; we had drinks and krispy kreme donughts, oh and dinner…lol.  We stayed at a no frills, yet quite nice hotel a mile away. It came with free breakfast too!  I woke up without a voice and I keep replaying the meet and greet over in my mind, and oh by the way, his eyes are soooo blue!

Life is made of moments and experiences.  Are you putting joyful experiences in your life?  This experience was priceless; better than diamonds (I’ve never really been a big jewelry person), designer clothes, or anything you could buy and bring home and put it in a drawer, or hang up in a closet.

I’m so grateful for last night; I’m so grateful for my friends; I’m so grateful for Johnny and Robby and their time and attention, and the kick ass show they put on!!!  I bounced black balloons and giant white light up beach balls, and the confetti was all around me.

Grateful, oh so grateful.

Self-help Fast

Ever since my 20s I have been on a self help path, sometimes it would feel urgent.  For example, I would see a book and I had to have it immediately even though I had 6 books in my bookcase that I still have not read.  I would think that this is going to be the book that makes everything better; this is going to be the book that brings me answers and peace. I would read the back and the reviews and then bring it up to the counter with this excitement and anticipation.  Then I get home, and do I start the book?  No. I put it on my bookcase.  Then the cycle repeats itself again months later. I buy another self help book and I think this is the one, and it goes on the shelf.  I have read so many self help books and many have helped me; however, after a while you realize they are all starting to sound the same.  They have the same messages and sometimes the same words.  But I still have this part of me that thinks this one is different and maybe I can get some nuggets of information to help me in my life.  I am proud to say I am currently on a self help break.

Not only was I buying books, but with today’s technology I was watching TED videos and you tube videos and going to events, like Deepak Chopra. To be honest, the event was not helpful and it was confusing.  I did get to meet Deepak for a second.  In addition, I was receiving a weekly email tip from Gabby Bernstain, who I love, and I looked forward to those emails.  Danielle LaPorte is a really cool spiritual guide, and I bought her guide to mapping out your life based on your desires and how you want to feel.  I bought it months ago and got a quarter of the way into it and stopped.  Then I bought this book called Get Your Shit Together and I started that. Then one magical day I happen to come across a video of Danielle saying she was on an input fast.  An input fast is about stopping to look for answers outside yourself, and starting to look for answers within yourself.  This intrigued me.  It meant no self help books, no TED videos, no super soul Sunday, no you tube videos, no reiki healing, no psychic sessions, no going to spiritual guru events, no scheduled email tips, and no more reaching for external help.  I put away my self help books; I stopped Gabby’s emails; I stopped watching super soul Sunday and any self help videos. For the first time in a long time, I am reading a novel and loving it!  I wasn’t sure how an input fast would make me feel. Would I feel lost?  Would I feel that something is missing?  Would I be missing out on helpful information?

I am only 2 weeks into my input fast, and I feel incredible.  I feel lighter and calmer. I like not having all this “stuff” coming at me from all directions.  Also, I feel stronger and more confident in my abilities to be my own guru.  It feels satisfying to reach inside myself and know that I am in control of the trajectory of my life.  I’m not sure how long this input fast will last, probably a few months or several months. It will be interesting to see if and how I return to letting input back into my life. For now, I feel free and I even think perhaps that it’s not necessary to live that way; it may even be harmful.

I always thought I needed the external input to live my best life and to be my best self, and now I know that is not true. I am the expert on me.

Be your own guru!!